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Some notes from the abyss..

I have this weird job where it’s technically part-time but it could easily run 100 hours a week. The most I’ve ever logged is maybe 96. I’m not really sure but I try not to let it exceed sixty. Forget all the reasons why I’ve decided to put up with this compromise and for now let’s just focus on the middle of the shit storm that I’m enduring currently. Smashed through the point of absolute fatigue some while ago and since then it’s been mostly a black out state. Kind of weird to live through but such is life.

I did have this incredible experience where I got to see Mingyur Rinpoche speak in Evanston, IL  a few weeks ago now. Funny enough I was barely into this current jag but already well exhausted, and I had a difficult time staying awake through his teaching. Quite fortunate then that he gave a guided instruction on sleeping meditation. I’m not together enough to detail the full instruction here, but with his guidance I was able to remain in awareness and observe my mind during the transition from sleepiness through that in-between liminal state and then full on into sleep. Almost as soon as I became fully asleep I jolted myself back awake, but it was a valuable experience. I have had similar experiences before while on the acupuncture table or elsewhere, but they have been infrequent, and I credit the instruction (and his presence) with getting me to that state.

Since that lesson I have been trying to use fatigue as the object of my meditation. There’s no point in attempting anything else, really. I’m physically in too much pain to even attempt the ngöndro, and any attempts at visualization practices would be foolish as I can’t keep my mind focused on anything for more than a moment. Incidentally this is the working state in which most of my Union operates all of the time, and probably has at least something to do with the rate at which Death Notifications pop up in my inbox. I don’t judge my coworkers for their coping mechanisms, but I know that cocaine and norcos are ultimately not going to do anything for me, so I’ll just rely on the guru’s blessing and hope for the best.

It’s been an interesting few weeks. For a while I stopped dreaming entirely, then I had to take a few Wednesdays off just to catch up on sleep. Finally at the point where I am beginning to have scattered dreams again, none of them lucid but with hints embedded that could get me there, if I were able to pay enough attention within the dream. Physically it’s been quite a mess. I’ve already endured in just the last year something like six months out of work due to a work/comp injury, and have gotten very sophisticated at detailing my pain journal and so forth. Combined with my somatic and meditative training, I suppose my awareness is somewhat keen, but lately it’s like soup. Constellations of a dull sort of aching and shapeless pain that explodes in random locations and then fades back away, but not much of it rising above the horizon of awareness, more just sort of dimly there like it could be happening to someone else. Which may be a useful analogy. I have pondered where the ego resides in this fog and haven’t found anything there. All of my irritation, my pet peeves, the sliced fingers and band aids, everything bothersome about going on four hours of sleep each night for weeks on end, even that seems fleeting and ephemeral. I imagine the bardo state to be something terrifying and jolting, but what if it’s a narcotic sort of sleepiness that you can’t get your senses around, but too unsettling to actually rest in. All mind states are workable, and for the time being at least, and probably the next several weeks, this is what I have to work with. I guess it’s as good a practice as anything.

Grant your blessings so that my mind may be one with the dharma

Grant your blessings so that dharma may progress along the path

Grant your blessings so that the path may clarify confusion

Grant your blessings so that confusion may dawn as wisdom

The Four Dharmas of Gampopa

 

Breaking the Rules

There are a lot of dos and don’ts when it comes to composting, and if you’re running an urban compost pile, the list of rules to follow gets even lengthier. The basic premise is simple enough, though — keep a good balance of “green” and “brown” material, and turn the pile frequently. City dwellers are advised to keep various materials out of their compost piles so as not to attract rodents, but many of those materials are in fact great for making compost. I’m not trying to brag here, but my urban compost pile smells like it came straight from the farm, so I figure I must be doing something right. I thought I’d take a few moments to share a little about my haphazard route to success.

First a few words about those few words, “green” and “brown”. What we’re getting at is the ratios of carbon and nitrogen you want in your pile. Materials that are high in nitrogen are considered “green” materials, and materials that are high in carbon are considered “brown”. Not all greens are green, though. Coffee grounds are a great source of nitrogen in your pile, and while their color is brown they are considered a “green” material as far as your compost. Human or pet hair is also high in nitrogen, and is considered a “green” source no matter the color of your or Fido’s locks.

The biggest problem with most urban piles is not enough brown material. Some overlooked sources include shredded fall leaves, if you can get them, or shredded newspaper, office paper, or cardboard. No glossies, though. Most paper plates are coated in some sort of petroleum product, but plates marketed as compostable are becoming more available. They are heavier than typical paper plates and sort of resemble cardboard. Make sure to shred all of these materials well or turning your pile will become a chore. The smaller you can shred up these materials, the quicker your pile will break down. The ideal size for all materials, green and brown, is nothing larger than half an inch. Although I do trim all material with a hand pruners before it goes into my pile, I’m not that fastidious, and find that pieces up to a few inches or so in length compost adequately.

Now, what about the materials you aren’t supposed to compost? Meat and dairy products especially are notorious for attracting rodents to compost piles. Maybe it’s the prevalence of coyotes in my urban neighborhood, but I have been composting limited amounts of meat and dairy products in my compost pile with no sign of unwanted critters. I use two of those black plastic “Darth Vader helmets” for a two bin system in my backyard composting operation. I’m not a big fan of these units for ergonomic reasons, but they are fairly critter proof and present a tidy appearance if that is a concern. I have on occasion seen rats in my neighborhood and even inside my building (eek!), but never in or near my compost pile. After twenty years of urban gardening, I’m well familiarized with rats and their behaviors, and I speak with confidence when I say that they just haven’t been a problem with my current setup. Keeping those lids tight is your best line of defense against unwanted visitors.

I’ve heard that you can compost an entire cow, bones and all, in a well tended compost pile in just seven days. I would not advise trying this in one of those Darth Vader helmets, but I have thrown in a few steak and chicken bones as well as plenty of spoiled milk or yogurt. These are prime ingredients for getting real biology into your compost pile. Recently I made a few gallons of stock, roasting beef and chicken bones and boiling them overnight with plenty of herbs and root vegetables. That success should be another blog post entirely, but after straining out that spent material, I added the veggies and sludge to my compost pile (the beef bones went to the neighbor’s dog). This is exactly the sort of thing you are advised not to do with an urban pile, and I think it’s one of the prime reasons my urban compost smells like the best fresh manure.

The smell test is always your best test when it comes to judging your compost. The nose knows, as they say. Forty-thousand years of human biology are working to your advantage here. A good compost pile should smell like a forest floor, a rich earthy smell, not at all sour. If your pile reeks of ammonia when you turn it, you have too much green material. Add more brown and turn it in well. If it smells like sewer muck, your pile has gone anaerobic. Probably it has gotten too wet or has not been turned enough, and all of the oxygen has been used up. Giving the pile a good turn and adding plenty of fresh material will give the pile a kick start and you can still get usable compost.

There could be some concerns about bacteria or other pathogens when adding meat or dairy products into your compost system. My pile runs hot! hot! hot! and anything in there is definitely getting cooked. Again, watch your ratios and turn the pile frequently. I’ll throw weeds that have gone to seed in the pile without worry. You can also keep in mind the intended use for your finished compost. I’m not using my compost for veggie production, it’s mostly feeding perennials or filling in bare spots of lawn. I’ve thrown in expired pharmaceuticals and some other materials I might be leery of adding to my veggie plots, but it’s of no concern where I’m growing prairie plants. Since I have a house rabbit, I have plenty of manure to add to my veggie production beds, and I use the compost bins to generate soil for the rest of the yard (where it’s badly lacking).

Maybe I’m relying on experience, but I don’t think too much about my composting. I just make a habit of checking the pile at least weekly, burying any new material well in the compost pile and giving it a good turn when I can. I’ll adjust the ratios as I go. My “two bin system” is as follows – one bin is the active compost bin, and the other is pretty much for storing brown material until I need to add it to the hot pile. The brown bin might get some green material mixed into it, again I’m not fastidious, but the ratio is overwhelmingly toward brown and it won’t compost on its own.

Free as a bird..

There’s nothing here that’s not been said before

But I put it down now to solidify my own views

And I’ll be glad if it helps anyone else out too.

Adam Yauch

The thing about advice is sometimes you just need to hear it, in order to recognize what you already know. Good advice makes sense because the truth in it is so obvious, and you know bad advice the same way you know bad tofu — every part of your being is shouting “that’s wrong!” Sometimes the truth hurts because it’s too close to the bone, and sometimes you get the same pat and hollow answers no matter the question posed. It’s up to each of us to apply our human intelligence to our lived experience and hash out our own truths. Getting advice is part of the smell test.

I’ve been handed plenty of good and bad advice over the years, but one thing I’ve had to figure out is that a poor teacher doesn’t invalidate the teachings. If the advice is too far off the mark I might be left to figure out my own answers, but really that’s what I was going to do anyway so why not get down to it? This month marks the Lunar New Year and I’ve been dropping in on a number of Buddhist communities lately, in part to join in the celebration, and partly because I like to know what other people do all day. I had a brief conversation with an interesting fellow who told me he was once a monk. Now he lives nearby. I asked him curiously “So where do you practice?” and his reply was the best advice I’ve received all year. “I just practice.”

June update 2017

Still under a time crunch but feel I should get a few thoughts down before they vanish entirely. Spending a lot of time lately thinking about how to get the Fischer Farm started, and spending even more time lately working in the motion picture industry building all sorts of crazy pipe dreams. Can’t talk about that so much on account of all the NDAs I don’t remember signing, so I’ll have to reserve this space for farm dreams, which is kind of what the blog title was supposed to suggest.

Farming is real hard work and I’ve never had any illusions to the contrary. The Fischer Farm isn’t hardly ready for growing anything yet but sometimes you have to charge ahead just to get the momentum to do what you want to do. If it were up to me I would sow three acres in clover and let it sit two years while we figured out the rest of the plan, but right now we’re going 1/4 acre in pumpkins. Maybe. The seeds aren’t in the ground yet and I don’t know when I’ll have time to get around to it. I’ve got a farmer in charge of that 1/4 acre but he’s a little tied up with his own life these days. I won’t get into the particular setbacks that we’ve run into but there have been at least a few, and a lost day here or there is a big deal when you’re dependent upon the weather cooperating with a very limited schedule. There are bigger and longer term plans in the works, but I don’t want to spoil those details until they’re at least a little more fleshed out.

I decided to skip the Permaculture Design Certification course I was planning on taking this summer. I also bailed on a recent trip to KTD in Woodstock that I had been looking forward to since Winter. Both decisions were financially dictated. It’s feast or famine in the film biz, and while I’ve been working like a hurt dog lately, there were too many months in a row with no money coming in. Now I have to make up for lost time, and skipping town for two weeks just isn’t viable, even if it is in the interest of furthering other projects. Lama Karma was in town the other weekend, and while I was still too busy to even attend his teaching, I did at least get him to bestow a long life blessing upon My Bunniness. I opted to spend a small portion of the money that I won’t be spending attending the PDC and went in on an order of cover crop seed and two flats of goldenrod for the Fischer Farm. Thank you Johnny’s Seeds and Prairie Moon Nursery. Scored discounts on both orders. Somewhere in those two weeks I would have been gone I hope to find a day to get those plants and seeds in the ground.

My plot in East Garfield Park is looking all right even if the kitties and the workload haven’t been helping things along. I did get some more starts in the ground today, and the first Prairie Moon order I received is mostly thriving. The Liatris mostly got scorched but one or two are looking strong. Comfrey is thriving all over the yard and I have a few different strains of nettles growing. The chamomile is even coming back around now that I’ve got soaker hoses installed. Bought a new daisy, a Becky, and the seller told me she was pretty sure it was from Elite Growers. I keep track of that sort of thing on account of my years in the industry and watching which plants have thrived and which have fizzled in my urban gardens. I’m looking to cultivate several strong daisies after last winter killed off most of those I’ve had growing anywhere.

Tomorrow I’m heading to the Farm to build a bonfire that I’m going to light off on Friday night for Family Camp. Had a real successful work day at the Fischer Farm over Memorial Day weekend and camped over with a few of my friends. Decided after that weekend that it’s important to get to know all of the folks who have a connection to that place, and while I probably don’t have time to camp out again this weekend I can play Fire Marshall for a few hours one evening. Hoping I don’t get too much time off anytime soon on account of all those bills I still haven’t paid, but I have made some solid additions to my library lately and I’m looking forward to working my way through those texts eventually. Will be fun to report back.

That’s all I’ve got tonight. Haven’t really gotten down with adding photos to the blog lately so here’s a video. Not my work..